so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
accomplished twins. life is a go
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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