Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
