I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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