Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
