There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
