i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
