i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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