they need to just BURY HIM!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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