I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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