Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
how drunk are you?
Several
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
