Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
