Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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