Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
