Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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