HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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