That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
