I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Shame is for Republicans.
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