youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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