this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
