i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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