i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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