I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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