I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
