Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
