the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
