Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.