im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have already put on my inside pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.