yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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