I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
