if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
