turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
