I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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