and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
