You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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