She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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