my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
