Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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