I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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