Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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