erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize