Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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