Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
