so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
