did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
