i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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