The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
