So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
