I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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