the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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