Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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