Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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