Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
