You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
