Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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