I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
