Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
