please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So vagazzling was a success
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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