I'd wear matching sweaters with you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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