So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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