I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
