We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
