Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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