i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
