Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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