His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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