shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
