I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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