I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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