So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize