im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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