when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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