fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize