a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
