Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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